The Question That Changes Everything

How the words we choose can open up a child's world (free downloadable)

Picture this.

Your child walks in the door after school. Quiet. A little flat. You look up and ask the question most of us ask every single day:

"Did you have a good day?"

"Fine."

And that's it. Conversation over before it began.

Now imagine asking instead: "What was the most interesting part of your day?"

Suddenly there's a pause. A flicker of thought. And then — a story.

That's the power of one small word swap. That's the difference between a closed question and an open one.

What Makes a Question Open?

Closed questions can be answered with yes, no, or a single word. They often start with Did, Is, Are, Can, Do, Have, Will. They're not wrong — they're just limited.

Open questions invite children to think, reflect, and share. They begin with What, How, Why, Tell me about, What do you think. They create space rather than closing it down.

And that space? That's where connection lives.

But Here's the Thing Nobody Mentions

The best question in the world won't land if the conditions aren't right.

Before you even open your mouth, there are a few things worth doing:

Turn off all screens. Yours and theirs. A conversation happening alongside a glowing rectangle isn't really a conversation. It's two people in the same room. There's a difference.

Sit together. Side by side on the couch. Around the kitchen table. In the car. Proximity matters. It signals: I'm here. You have my full attention.

Make eye contact. Not the intense, unblinking kind — just the warm, I-see-you kind. Eye contact tells a child their words are landing somewhere. That someone is genuinely receiving them.

Make sure nothing feels urgent. If you're watching the clock or half-thinking about dinner, children feel it. Pick a moment that's unhurried. Even five minutes of genuine presence is worth more than an hour of distracted togetherness.

Actively listen. This is the big one. Active listening means not planning your next question while they're still talking. It means letting there be silence. It means following their thread, not redirecting to yours. It means responding to what they actually said, not what you expected them to say.

When a child feels truly listened to, they talk. They open up. They share the things that matter.

Try It With Books Too

Some of the richest open question conversations I've seen start with a story.

After reading The Kindness Community, instead of asking "Did you like that book?" try: "Tell me about your thoughts on the kindness expert."

After The Crocheting Scientist: "What did you think about a scientist who also crochets?"

After What's MY Skill?: "Talk me through why Dang was so excited to find his skill of making people laugh."

Watch what happens. Children have opinions. They have insights. They just need the right question — and a grown-up who genuinely wants to hear the answer.

Your Free Resource

I've created a worksheet to help you practise the art of open questions — with real examples, side-by-side comparisons, and prompts tied to themes from my books. It’s a free downloadable.

Download it and keep it somewhere handy. On the fridge. In your bag. On your bedside table. Click here.

Because every question is an invitation. And some invitations change everything.